Burlesque Backstage Pass (Article 4) - You Can’t Shimmy With Us (Unless You Network): A Burlesque Performer’s Guide to Making Connections and Dodging Drama, Mean Girls Style

Haters. I have them. I know of one person who throws me so much shade I call them my arch nemesis. It used to really (REALLY) upset me, but I recently decided if I have an arch nemesis, I must be a superhero. So, I'm here to share my burlesque super power: networking. Yes, darling. Knowing your choreography is great, but knowing your community? That’s what gets you booked, keeps you grounded, and builds a career that lasts longer than a Halloween costume from 2004.

But let’s be real. Sometimes burlesque can feel a lot like high school. So who better to help navigate it than Mean Girls?

Grab your Burn Book (just kidding—don’t), wear pink (but not only on Wednesdays), and let’s break down why networking matters and how to survive the rhinestoned jungle of haters, drama, and Regina Georges.

“I’m not a regular performer, I’m a cool performer.”

The burlesque scene is a series of stages and circles. You want to be remembered not just for your hip bumps but for your friendliness, professionalism, and genuine vibe. Whether you’re new to the scene or a seasoned veteran, networking with intention makes a difference.

Networking doesn’t mean clout-chasing—it means showing up. Go to shows you’re not performing in. Compliment someone’s act (genuinely, not like “I love that lewk… where did you get it?”). Stay for the whole lineup and film clips of their acts and post to your Stories. Help a newbie pin a wig backstage. Follow your faves and engage with their content. That’s how you build relationships.

“Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter.”

Support others and you’ll find the community starts to support you, too. Burlesque is as much about relationships as it is about routines. Whether you're shimmying in a dive bar for tips or headlining a theater show, your network is your net—it supports, uplifts, catches you when you fall, and helps launch you when you're ready to soar. The power of connection within burlesque cannot be overstated.

“She doesn’t even go here!” (Yes, and that’s OK.)

Maybe you’re not in the “it crowd” yet. Maybe you’re not part of the clique that always seems to get booked together. Here’s the truth: every performer you admire was once new, unknown, and low on connections. They built their place—and you can too.

Introduce yourself. Share your story. Say something kind backstage. Message someone whose act inspired you. Everyone starts somewhere. Just make sure you’re coming from a place of curiosity and respect—not desperate thirst or fake friendliness.

From the very beginning of your burlesque journey, the people you meet—classmates, instructors, backstage neighbors, producers, photographers, hosts, and fellow performers—can become collaborators, advocates, friends, and eventually, the folks who say your name when opportunity comes knocking. It's not transactional; it’s relational. You're building trust, sharing energy, and becoming part of a larger ecosystem.

Producers rarely book performers in a vacuum. Personal referrals, reputation, and familiarity often play a big part. That casual chat backstage or that thoughtful DM after a show could lead to your next gig.

And when you do get booked, don’t forget to return the favor: recommend others, shout out your peers, and invite new folks in.

This is especially vital in an art form that often exists outside traditional industry structures. Burlesque is filled with independent producers, DIY festivals, self-booked tours, and word-of-mouth referrals. There isn’t always an audition. Sometimes the “booking process” is a message sent after you’ve made someone laugh backstage or helped zip up their dress mid-quick change. Your name might come up in a group chat because someone remembers how well you handled a tech hiccup or because you posted a thoughtful comment on someone else’s show announcement.

“You can’t shimmy with us!” (When the Plastics show up in pasties.)

Alright, let’s talk about the dark side of the scene. The backstage shade. The gatekeepers. The “cool kids” who eye-roll, gossip, or conveniently forget to mention your name when recommending performers. Sometimes you'll hear whispers about you that sting. Sometimes you’ll be passed over, frozen out, or even targeted—simply for daring to take up space.

These moments are painful. And if you haven’t experienced them yet, consider yourself lucky—and still prepare yourself, because navigating negativity is, unfortunately, part of the burlesque landscape. Yes, the burlesque world can be cliquey. It’s full of big personalities and bigger egos. Sometimes it feels like there’s a Burn Book floating around with your name scrawled in it in glitter pen.

Here's how to deal:

1. Know your worth

“I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can’t help it that I’m popular.”

OK, don’t say that out loud, but channel it inside. Just because someone doesn’t celebrate you doesn’t mean you’re not worth celebrating. Shine anyway. The more you shine, the more you may encounter “mean girls” (of all genders) who might treat your confidence as a threat, your success as an inconvenience, or your uniqueness as something to be controlled or ignored.

Dealing with this kind of negativity requires grace, boundaries, and an unwavering belief in your worth.

Start by grounding yourself in your values. Remember why you perform, what you want to share, and who you are trying to reach. When you operate from authenticity, you become harder to shake. Not invincible—but unshakable.

2. Don’t engage in petty drama

When someone tries to start something, remember:

When the claws come out, not every scratch deserves a response. You do not have to clap back at every rumor, vague social media post, or icy glare across the dressing room. Silence, sometimes, is power. Other times, you do need to speak up—especially when someone's behavior crosses the line from petty to harmful. Trust your instincts, and when necessary, document everything. Your safety and well-being are not up for negotiation, no matter how high-profile the person causing harm.

“That’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.”

The burlesque community is smaller than you think. Gossip gets around. Stay above the fray. Screenshots are forever, but so is reputation. Be the person people feel safe and excited to work with.

3. Be intentional with your energy

Not everyone has to be your bestie, and you don’t need to be invited to every metaphorical lunch table. Surround yourself with people who actually support you—who cheer when you succeed, who help when you struggle, and who don’t shrink your sparkle.

Even with all of its empowering qualities, Burlesque isn’t immune to ego, jealousy, or high school flashbacks. The truth is, not everyone will like you—and some folks will try hard to make sure you know it.

“So you agree…you think you’re really pretty?”

Cultivate a group of trusted performers and producers who have your back. This is your safe space, your sounding board, your glitter gang. These are the people you can vent to after a rough show, who will tell you when you’re glowing and when you’re slipping, who’ll zip you up and call you in. They’re your home base. Your glitter family. Don’t be afraid to build that circle slowly and carefully. Quality over quantity, always.

“It’s not my fault you’re like in love with me or something.”

Not everyone will like your style, your body, your voice, or your vibe. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means you’re not for them. And that’s okay. Art isn’t about pleasing everyone. What matters is that you’re rooted in your own truth and intentional about your impact.

Sometimes, you’ll shine and others won’t like it. They’ll talk. They’ll compare. They’ll throw shade disguised as “feedback.”

That’s on them.

If someone criticizes your act constructively, it’s growth. If someone trashes you out of spite, that’s projection. Learn to separate feedback from bitterness.

Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, or their own unhealed glitter wounds, you are not responsible for other people’s discomfort with your confidence. You are not too much. Your body is not too big or too small. Your ideas are not too weird. If someone’s acting like you're a problem for just being you, that’s projection—not a reflection.

And no matter what anyone says—don’t dim yourself to make others comfortable. If your boldness makes someone else feel small, that’s their reflection to examine, not your responsibility to fix.

“You go, Glen Coco!”

This is your reminder to cheer for others loudly. Compliment. Celebrate. Share the flyer. Buy the ticket. Post the backstage photo (with permission). That energy always comes back around.

Be the performer who claps from the wings. Be the one who says “you were incredible” and means it. Because those tiny moments are what create bonds. You’ll find that the people who are most respected in our community—those who consistently get booked, who are invited to teach and headline—are not just amazing performers. They’re also people who uplift others, who are generous with praise, and who treat the crew as respectfully as they treat the audience.

Networking also opens up pathways to grow—not just professionally, but artistically and personally. Through your connections, you gain access to new ideas, costuming tips, pose swaps, and opportunities to learn from peers whose styles and backgrounds might wildly differ from your own. It’s how we stretch. How we evolve. How we stay rooted in a community that, at its best, is vibrant, intersectional, and resilient.

Let’s be real: burlesque is fabulous and hard. Late nights, financial strain, and creative burnout are all real. A strong network gives you a place to vent, cry, laugh, and get back on that stage with fierceness.

“The limit does not exist!”

There is not a limit to how many amazing performers can exist in one community. More sparkle doesn’t dim your shine. Someone else’s standing ovation isn’t your loss—it’s proof that audiences are hungry for diverse, brilliant performances.

When we stop competing and start connecting, everybody wins.

“I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles…”

OK, we don’t have to go full cry-in-the-auditorium, but seriously—what if we led with kindness more often? Burlesque was born from rebellion, satire, seduction, and yes—community. We’re not here to recreate high school. We’re here to glitterbomb the status quo.

So make your community better. Be generous. Be open. Be curious. Leave people feeling better than when you found them.

When it’s authentic, networking isn’t about working the room—it’s about working with the room. It’s not sucking up, it’s showing up. It’s not name-dropping, it’s name-lifting. It’s not about getting in with the Plastics. It’s about making space at the table for the weirdos, the rebels, the underdogs… and yes, maybe even a reformed Regina or two.

Because in burlesque, the real power doesn’t just lie in a powerful bump or a sultry grind. It’s in how you treat people. It’s in the applause you give offstage. It’s in your ability to stay grounded, connected, and gracious—even when the glitter gets messy.

So be fierce. Be kind. And remember:

“On Wednesdays we wear pink.”But in burlesque?We wear whatever the hell we want—and we cheer each other on while we do it.

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Dee Lightfull, burlesque performer, producer, and self-proclaimed provocateur who is all about life with a bit more glitter and a dash more sass.  Hailing from the heart of Central New York, she is the embodiment of fierce and flirty, a burlesque chameleon who brings a joyous zeal to the stage that is as infectious as it is delightful.

In the series, “Backstage Pass,” she is sharing an in depth look behind-the-scenes: from choosing the perfect music to the ins and outs of marketing yourself to costuming tips to the often-taboo topic of money, you will gain an all-access pass to the backstage of burlesque. Want to make sure she covers a specific topic, email her at deelightfullburlesque@gmail.com. 

Dee Lightfull can be found on Instagram or TikTok at @deelightfullburlesque or her website: https://www.deelightfullburlesque.com/

Dee Lightfull merch can be purchased at: https://donmanuelpresents.shop/product-category/dee-lightfull-collection/